18 years ago a doctor prescribed me antidepressants as if they were painkillers. I’ve tried to reduce my dose or come off them many times since. Now I think I’m stuck on them for life. Usually I’m OK with this. But sometimes it feels quite scary. Yesterday I heard a radio report about a new…
Tag: Depression
My dark thoughts look for my most vulnerable spot – and now that’s my amazing and exhausting little boy (some thoughts on parenting and mental health).
I’m writing this to make sense of how I felt yesterday. I’m sharing it because I’m sure I’m not alone. Parenting is really hard and parenting with mental health problems can sometimes be a real struggle. Like many of us, I’ve managed mental health problems most of my life. Mainly eating problems, anxiety and depression….
Published in The Recovery Letters
Last year, James Withney of The Recovery Letters emailed to see if I would be interested in contributing a letter to the published anthology. The Recovery Letters are addressed to people experiencing depression. They share experiences and give friendship and hope for recovery. I’ve always believed in letters and writing as a way through difficult…
Mental health in early pregnancy – the first trimester
Disrupting the balance I’m pretty good at managing my mental health. I know what helps, what doesn’t and how to recognise when I need to take better care of myself or ask for extra support. But early pregnancy disrupted this balance. I’m nearly 17 weeks now and finally ready to write about the first trimester….
Depression and anxiety in the first trimester
A toxic mix I had some very low periods and dark thoughts during the first trimester of pregnancy. The myth of pregnancy as a calm, exciting and enjoyable time is still pervasive – but there were times when I felt unable to take pleasure in anything, distant from Al and scared I wouldn’t be able…
Signs of change and coping with cheese – how my eating disorder recovery looks now
Mental health problems have a way of taking over. I’m lucky enough never to have been hospitalised or signed off work. Life has always stumbled on. But moods and behaviours creep in and twist their tendrils around daily life. They trick you into thinking they’re normal, into nourishing them. It’s not until they start to…
Avoiding an unwanted pregnancy far outweighs any side effects of contraception…how dare you say it’s that simple?
Women on hormonal contraception are more likely to be treated for depression Recent research has shown that women taking hormonal contraception are more likely to be treated for depression. And we already know that those with pre-existing depression may have their symptoms worsened by the pill. Tell us something we don’t know. I’ve avoided hormonal contraception completely…
What I’d tell my 2015 self about dieting, body positivity and accepting medication
Yesterday we celebrated our first wedding anniversary. Our wedding was a magical day but, in the two years since we got engaged, life has taken some unexpected turns. My mental and physical health has taken quite a bashing. I’m not fully recovered – and I’m working hard to challenge and change thought patterns and reactions that…
We need to talk about mental health and trying to conceive #takeoffthetape
Mind has been asking people to #TakeOffTheTape and share something that makes them anxious. Something they haven’t spoken about before. I thought I would use the opportunity to write about something that’s hardly spoken about at all. I’m finding it incredibly hard to balance trying to conceive with managing my mental health. We don’t talk about…
Standing up to stigma – why I blog about work, projects & my mental health in one place
Pressing pause Every time I go to press ‘publish’ on a tricky post exploring my mental health I pause for a moment. The way my blog has developed means that my personal struggles and successes sit alongside blogs about my work and details of my skills, training and experience. Should I keep them separate? Will employers reject…
The Regret Tape and the I’m Not Good Enough Mix – new metaphors and thinking tools for managing anxiety and depression
I’ve recently come off Sertraline after 15 years on various SSRIs. It’s been a long and tricky journey but I think I might be almost there. I’ve written a bit more about that here. Using metaphors to identify, share and understand my mental health During this period I’ve found two metaphors very helpful. I love…
Coming off anti depressants – withdrawing from Citalopram and Sertraline
Day six in Foster’s brain and all is reasonably calm… As I write I’m on the sixth day without any form of SSRI at all. This is new territory for me. I’ve taken them every day for 15 years (with terrible healthcare making it much trickier). Three months ago I moved to Sertraline. Two months…
PMT, hormones and withdrawal – treading on mood eggshells
It’s fair to say I’m not compleeetely on top of things today. The doctor moved me from Citalopram to Sertraline last month (slightly better for any potential pregnancies) and suggested I try and reduce the dose a little (again in preparation for the same). I wasn’t sure whether this was a good idea considering I’ve…
Exercise addiction and eating problems – good days, bad days and thought gremlins
It’s been a few months since I last wrote about the tangle of eating, exercise and emotions I have found myself in this year. I’m tired. More than anything I’m tired of thinking about food, eating, exercise and what I ‘should’ be doing. It’s just so tedious. Meditation, interesting work, DIY, time spent with friends and…